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  • Karen

The Underwear Conundrum

Updated: Oct 17, 2022

While it should have probably been a momentous purchase (or maybe it was a gift), I have no idea when, how, or why I got my first pair of G-string underwear.

I do recall, though, that in the hay day of my younger, having-fun-being-single years, I had quite a few pairs, as well as numerous thongs and other revealing undies in my lingerie drawer.

My husband, if he's reading this, is in total shock and disbelief. "Where is this illusive lingerie drawer and the skimpy undies she speaks of?"

Unfortunately for him, it and they are long gone. Over the past 10+ years, he's only had the pleasure of seeing--and occasionally folding out of the laundry, bless his little heart--many pairs of women's briefs.

Sometimes, these briefs have a touch of sex appeal, with a little well-placed lace or satiny fabric. But, the large majority of my underwear is just that--large, as well as made of cotton and designed for comfort.

Why the dramatic change from highly revealing to extraordinarily concealing? Because my butt goals have greatly transformed over the past decade-plus.

While I used to be focused on what my butt might look like while working out, hanging out, or simply out, I'm now only concerned with how my butt feels. And this I know for sure--my butt feels horrible when it has a thin string up it.

For many reasons, getting rid of the Gs and Ts was a good decision for me, and perhaps may be for any person who has had acute or chronic butt health issues. Here are some arguments against having strings and strips between your cheeks:

1. Bacteria from your booty are more likely to wander forward. If you're wearing a G-string, whether for a workout or a night out, that string can move up and down and all around. When it moves from back to front, it can put your vajayjay at risk of infection from (colonic) bacteria that is secreted from back yonder. We can all agree that such things are better left in your behind.

2. Fabric and fit that is not favorable to your delicate tush. From the harmless, but not terribly desirable, skin tag to the highly unpleasant yeast or urinary tract infection, a G-string's tight fit and often synthetic materials can trap moisture and bacteria, causing a host of issues in your private area. Is getting rid of that VPL (visible panty line) really worth the potential tradeoff?

3. Hemorrhoid heater upper. Ultimately, my decision to discard all my itty-bitty panties had to do with my big H problem. There’s no evidence that G-strings, or their cousins the tanga and the thong, directly cause hemorrhoids. However, there’s also no evidence that they don’t. My experience is that even if they don’t start the problem, they 110% exacerbate it with that incessant rubbing against the anal area.

It seems like I'm piling on G-string underwear (or bathing suits for that matter). I am not calling for their complete eradication at all. If you're a wearer and a fan, more power to you and your fabulous, healthy butt.

But if you have struggled, like me, with a tender, tortured, and sometimes throbbing butt, then it might be time to dump the strings for something more soothing.

Don’t worry, you don’t have to go straight up granny-panty. There is a lot more choice out there for spicier numbers in 100% cotton varieties that aren’t a pain in the butt.

P.S. Because I'm sure inquiring minds would like to know...I wanted to share one more tip. Cotton briefs can cause a bit of an unsightly VPL when I'm at the gym. So, I go commando under those workout leggings. Even my husband was not aware until recently that I was bare under there. He's like, "What?! Really?! Is that how you're supposed to wear them?!" LOL, all I know is that it's a ton more comfortable and far less embarrassing than having to pick a wedgie every few seconds.

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